Dear Lee Pace,

Hey, great to see you in all these movies! I’m glad you’ve broken through and all that, but…. Look, I don’t want to use the word hacky. I’ve loved you in just about everything I’ve seen you in, but as a villain, you go balls to the wall in a not charming or terribly layered way. Ronin was pretty one note, you know? I know that seems silly but after Loki, the bar is pretty high to not just play a villain flat. All I ask is you not fully abandon your quirky indie roots, ok? You’re just so excellent when you have a complete character to play, it’d be a shame to see you go full blockbuster mode.

But seriously, congratulations! Good job, man!

Much love-


Dear Everyone,

This is a thing that worries me – that being overweight or underweight are places that people feel they can comment. That our bodies are areas for discussion, as if they are public property, when in reality, they are the most personal and private thing we will every possess as individuals. And it seems this conversation is often framed as being unhealthy is what is unattractive. That you are unattractive because you are unhealthy. That it is not a strange external pressure that is molding you into a shape, but that everyone feels deeply for your personal well being. It’s an altruistic way to dress up shallow concepts.

Unhealthy and unattractive are not the same thing. You can be unhealthy and someone will still find you attractive. You can be healthy and a person can find you unattractive. Those two things are not corollaries. Applying a one size fits all stereotype to attraction is really one of the dumbest things we can do to each other and ourselves. Some people are attracted to the same gender, a specific ethnicity, a larger than average body type – at the end of the day, I hope that it’s not the body you love, but the person who pilots it. Let the appearance that piques your interest be from the soul casting light on the inside. Beauty exists in this world in every single person – it’s up to each individual to share their own and to see it in others.

So, you know, take a breath, relax and forgive yourself for not being the person you feel like you have to be to be loved. You will be loved. Just be willing to allow others that same grace.

From my heart to yours-

Dear Mark Strong,

I’m fine with you trying to sell me a Jaguar (is Tom Hiddleston as nice in person as he seems? Did you get to ride in the helicopter too? If not, you should have made sure to ride in the helicopter. Make a point to next time), but why the hell are you trying to sell me shitty beer? I trusted you!

Lots of love despite this rank betrayal-

Dear The-Book-Is-Better-Than-The-Movie Crowd,

I’m generally one of you. I mean, to the extent that I allow myself to be one of anything, which is not terribly often (people are really just the worst, aren’t they?). But here’s the thing – when someone criticizes a movie-of-the-book, the proper response is not to say, “YOU DIDN’T READ THE BOOK, DID YOU? YOU’D KNOW BETTER IF YOU HAD. YOU IDIOT.” A movie needs to be able to stand alone without the book. If it doesn’t, it is poorly adapted and that is a legitimate criticism of the movie (or the book you love is trash and why is it a movie? Because of you, you ass hat). You do not get to win the “I hate this movie, it’s terrible” argument by claiming, “if you read the book, you’d GET IT.” The only proper response is, “the book was better.”

Fortunately, that is our wheelhouse.

All A begrudging teaspoon of my love-

Dear Usher,

I don’t know how Justin Timberlake could have brought sexy back. You never left. Did he save you from a 127 Hours situation that none of us knew about? If so, I will send him a nice gift basket of MP3 players loaded with music so he knows the travesty that is his last album does not qualify.

All my love-

P. S. You haven’t apologized for the other Justin yet. I’m not sure if it will help, but it’s worth a shot. You can start at anytime.

Dear 90’s,

I miss your pointless choreographed school dances and your special guest live music acts. You always did high school better than the rest of us. I assume the funness is why all your students were in their mid-twenties. 

All my love-